Friday, November 2, 2007

Tear Stained Pillow

I promised myself when I started this journey of blogging that I would have no sadness written here. Life is good, it is a gift and I thoroughly enjoy every minute. Well, not every minute perhaps. Because in our good lives, as we enjoy the morsel of minutes, there is an aftertaste of sorrow. This week has had several of those minutes. I have been drowning in tears.


Tuesday night, so late that it was near to ringing in Halloween, a friend of mine lost her youngest child. He was shot by her boyfriend during a domestic dispute. I have told close friends and family that while I was shocked when I received the phone call, I am not surprised. This man whom she called her boyfriend was no friend at all.

My friend had been in this relationship for a few years. I remember when she met this man. I met him within a few days of her meeting him and I knew. Been there, done that. I knew right away that he was trouble. Always go with the gut. But she was ga-ga with his over the top personality and charm. Most of all she was lonely. Abuse predators take advantage of this. For some reason there are women who like the bad boys out there, those who will control your very soul. So I began my journey with her from light hearted friend to a tear stained pillow.

She had worked hard that day ~ standing on one's feet, cutting, coloring, styling, combing hair can be quite tiring. When she came home from work, hungry, exhausted, just wanting to crash, he was there. He was always there. He wouldn't, couldn't keep a job. She was his mule. His meal pass. His puppet.

She wanted to rest, he wanted to talk. About what she doesn't do right. Her youngest son, beautiful ~ full of life's promise, hope and love and only 18 years old ~ was there. He sought to break up the argument and got shot. The bullet was intended for his mother. In that split second he became a martyr. What mother would imagine that. What mother wants that. What mother can live with that.


For any woman who has been or is, a victim of domestic abuse, please ~ please ~ please get help. There are agencies, shelters, pastors, counselors, FRIENDS - real friends that don't smile and say words that tickle your ears - who help with this issue. Listen to them. They care. There are always warning signs. The first berating dialogue, the first raised fist. Leave. They don't need you; they will find another victim. You cannot change them. Just leave. Please, just leave.

Comfort Dolls


11 comments:

Donna said...

OH LORD GIRL!!! How Horrible!! Bless your heart! My prayers and (((HUG))) to you and to your friend. Your're TOTALLY right about the "controllers". Evil B______D's!!! Those people are so dark..her only alternative would have been to get out! Would'a,kould'a, should'a. How do you even begin to tell someone who can't or won't listen? Lots of love & light your way sugar!

Rosemary said...

oh my gosh Blonde, that is so horrible! I can't imagine the grief your friend is going through right now. I'm so sorry to hear this. I agree with you, always go with the gut feelings you have about people. My dd just broke up with a boy over the summer who had gotten scarily possessive like that. Shes now dating a sweet boy who adores her and doesn't try to control her. I hope your friend finds peace! Rosemary

Flora said...

I hope you find peace Blondie, there is nothing you could of done to prevent this,just continue to be the good friend that, I'm sure you always have been.
Many Blessings,Flora

Louisiana Momma said...

I agree with what everyone has said here - and I completely understand b/c I am an abuse survior.. and they DO prey on women that are weak and emotionally vunerable.. they couldn't get a strong, healthy woman to put up with their crap. I pray for your friend - I can't imagine her grief.. and I pray for you - may the Holy Spirit comfort you as well. .we as friends want to help each other, but unfortunately we cannot make their life decisions for them.. but we can be there in times like this when they DEFINATELY need a friend's support. If you need someone to talk to - I am here.

red tin heart said...

dear blondie, i am so sorry for your dear friend and her son. i am glad you wrote this, you may help someone. thinking and praying for your friend and you dear heart... xoxo nita

kat449 said...

Oh My Dear Friend Blondie,
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt grief, thank you for carrying the message of life, about the importance of honoring & understanding when our authentic spirit speaks to us, & tells us to run...Im also a survivor of dark spirited, bullies. You, your friends are in my thoughts & prayers. what a good friend you are. Im glad youre mine. Hugs, Kat

Country Morning Crafts said...

Blondie - words can not express the sorrow I feel for your friend. This has hit home with me very hard as I had a similar experience with my ex-husband. Thankfully my son was there or I don't know that I would be here today. Fortunately it opened my eyes that I did not want to endanger my life and more importantly the lives of my children. It's very hard to explain to someone that has never been in an abusive relationship why you stay. The abuser usually has belittled you to the point that you feel you have no self worth well before the physical abuse starts. I will keep you both in my prayers.
Deanna

Robin said...

What a horrible senseless tragedy... I can only hope and pray the mother doesn't carry blame in her heart over her son's death...The sorrow from losing him period, is torture enough in itself.... You are such a loving caring person, blondie, I can only imagine the pain you are feeling right now over this loss...My prayers are with you for peace in your heart and for the Mom. for comfort and restoration....
Robin

Jeannene said...

"Blondie my sister..i am in tears as i read this." Yes, you told me earlier, but this is so heart breaking and incredibly wrong...you did very good posting this, to get the word out on Domestic Violence!" You and your friend continue to my in my heart and prayer..."Love You!"
xo Jeannene

FairHaven said...

Oh Blondie,I'm so sorry,that is so sad.We know too many in that situation through our life don't we Blonde?I'm so terribly sad it came to this end.

Bettsi McComb said...

Blondie, I missed a few days on your blog and I am sorry I missed this. I am so sorry for your friend. Please tell your friend that there are people everywhere thinking of her and praying for her. Poor, poor mama.