Monday, May 18, 2009

Pet Diaries

I couldn't help posting this fwd here from my gal pal, Khris - I have laughed myself silly. This is a keeper. Thanks Khris! This is for the animal lover and observer in each of you. CAUTION: No food or drink while reading this.
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary.......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity....

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet..

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.....


Donna said...

This was FUNNY! Happy day sweetie!hughugs

Anonymous said...

It certainly brought a smile to my face.

twinklescrapbooks said...

Hehe love it!!! I laughed out loud at the email. My cat really thinks that way!!! :) tina

sewprimitive karen said...

That is an absolute RIOT.

Marie Reed said...

*grinnnn* I don't think that I'll look at my cat in quite the same manner! I tripped over him and down the stairs just last week!

Mrs.Kwitty said...

Hahahaha!!! Love it!
Smiles, Karen

SayraH said...

I still read this after almost a week. Cats are purely evil..but I am my dog's Favorite!! :)

Khris said...

Its gorgeous isn't it...I just love, love, loved it..hugs Khris

Anonymous said...

Blondie, I don't know when I have laughed so hard!! Thanks for this chuckle:)