Monday, May 18, 2009

Pet Diaries

I couldn't help posting this fwd here from my gal pal, Khris - I have laughed myself silly. This is a keeper. Thanks Khris! This is for the animal lover and observer in each of you. CAUTION: No food or drink while reading this.
WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary.......



8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity....

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet..

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.....


9 comments:

Donna said...

This was FUNNY! Happy day sweetie!hughugs

Melanie said...

It certainly brought a smile to my face.

twinklescrapbooks said...

Hehe love it!!! I laughed out loud at the email. My cat really thinks that way!!! :) tina

sewprimitive karen said...

That is an absolute RIOT.

Marie Reed said...

*grinnnn* I don't think that I'll look at my cat in quite the same manner! I tripped over him and down the stairs just last week!

Mrs.Kwitty said...

Hahahaha!!! Love it!
Smiles, Karen

SayraH said...

I still read this after almost a week. Cats are purely evil..but I am my dog's Favorite!! :)

Khris said...

Its gorgeous isn't it...I just love, love, loved it..hugs Khris

Anonymous said...

Blondie, I don't know when I have laughed so hard!! Thanks for this chuckle:)