Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Family Table


This is a little nugget about family get togethers over dinner. A group of my friends have been discussing our Holiday Traditions and what we do, what we eat, etc.
My family generally heads down the hill to my folks house. Every one brings a covered dish and then helps Mom out with the things that she is preparing. Sounds so ordinary doesn't it? Ah, but there is pol'ticking going on behind the scenes. Let me start out with who brings what.
My sis is an excellent cook. She can make a can of collards look and taste gourmet.
Her spread is always must have.
My DD is an aspiring Rachel Ray and is quite the little kitchen diva. She works hard and it tastes delish!
My SIL, well, let's just say, looks can be deceiving. She works hard to bring a palatable looking dish. But you see, I have my Daddy's imagination. It can be very very vivid. I have been inside my SIL's house. I KNOW what her kitchen looks like, so, I am not wont to eat what comes from there. Savvy?
Then comes me. I am a very big foodie. I make some good eats! My Daddy loves my cooking, he just doesn't know it! You see, I made the mistake of telling my Daddy years ago, and I mean years ago as in BC that while married to my first hubs, herein called The Devil, that I used to scrub the toilet with his toothbrush and occasionally feed him a mighty dog casserole, or perhaps let one of the dogs lick his plate before I served him or I am almost ashamed to admit his, give him a good spit and shine in his serving. Okay, I have fessed up.
. . . I have tried to repent. Sisters, I have tried to repent. But even after all these years if I think about it, it still feels good and justified . . . My own dear Daddy even tried to warn Luscious - who you can tell hasn't heeded his advice - Daddy would tell him -" Don't ever get her riled up, son. She has some wicked ways with food."
Okay, anyhow, I shared this with Daddy one day. He has never eaten anything I have cooked since then! Well, he HAS but he doesn't know that I cooked it. I have my sister pass it off as her own. I will then bring an extra broccoli casserole or some other dish that Daddy doesn't care for.
That way, he can say, " Baby, you know I can't eat that." and no one's feelings are hurt.
Now, this is where the fun comes in . . . at least to my warped brain. I have often sweetly asked him over dinner when he visited with bro and his wife recently. He doesn't visit much. Get it? The man who has the vivid imagination is better off NOT knowing what said SIL's kitchen looks like. I find it highly amusing watching him devour her offerings. Shame on me! Hey, I get my kicks where I can!
So this Easter holiday, I will make a few wonderful casseroles and a special coconut pie for my sister to carry in and get all the praises for. If you had ever been in my SIL's house, you would be smiling next to me.

20 comments:

Donna said...

OHMYGOD!!!! LOLOLOL....What A HOOT!!!....I'm SURE the Devil deserved it!!! Poor Daddy!!!LOLOL....Thanks for this Sweetie!!lololol.....

Cookie said...

now thats funny Blondie!

Countryfolk Keepsakes said...

LOL!! Man! My hubs is the same way about his food. He will only eat my cookin' unless forced to go to family gatherins'.
As far as the "Devil" goes... I bet he deserved every loogie he got in his meatloaf. :> )
~Peanut
P.S. I hope your SIL doesn't read your blog!

Blondie ~ Vintage Primitives said...

She may not read it; I think my bro does on occasion. Well, THEY know what their house looks like. They say you can always tell how the inside of the house looks from the outside - but that is another story and trust me would need a visual aid - ever hear of Tobacco Road? Still, he is the big boy of the family and if you are reading this Jeffy, your favorite sis loves ya inside and out!

Louisiana Momma said...

I am so on the same page with you about what someone's kitchen looks like (how it smells too).. I rarely eat what my MIL cooks b/c well, she's a packrat and there is stuff stacked to the ceiling - all the counters are covered with (putting it nicely) STUFF.. I bet the top of the counter hasn't seen the light of day in years.. plus there is a layer of dust 3 inches thick on everything.. my husband's aunt's house has this (also putting it nicely) weird smell that you sometimes find at nursing homes.. and I just can't bring myself to eat anything there either..

But blondie - I wouldn't have ever guessed that you got even with Alpo.. I must admit.. now that you mention it - I could picture you doing that. :-) lol.. like in the movie Prince of Tides... thanks for the giggle this morning - and my prayers out to you too :-)

Blondie ~ Vintage Primitives said...

Hey Courtney; your MIL and Auntie's houser sounds like my brother's house. I think the smell is decay.
Seriously. I haven't seen prince of tides. Is it new? I did see war of the roses and would never go that far; i loves my dawgies!

Atticbabys said...

I wish I could be a fly on the wall this Easter, what a riot!
Thanks for visiting today Blondie, and for the giggle too!
:-) Nan

Lorraine said...

LOL!!!!!TOO FUNNY!! You ROCK!! Alpo, anyone??
BTW-I finally did my memoir..better late than never???LOL
Hugs!!

Joann said...

cute! Thank you for the nice compliments on my blog.

I added you to my blog link list.

Doreen said...

Oh my goodness......I know you..... this man must have done something absolutely horrible to cause you to resort to a mighty dog casserole...LOLOLOL.

hugs to you
doreen

Lana said...

LOL! Blondie!!! Thanks for the early morning laugh!

tattered 'n torn prims said...

Shame! Shame!! and tee hee hee you go girl!!! LOL!! This is too funny!! I have a SIL the same with her house.... she has 3 dogs and you can't even count how many cats she has!! uugggg...see me shiver!!! Now I won't be able to make eye contact with her at Easter!! LOL!!! Thanks!!
Stacey

She'sSewPretty said...

hahahahaha...Oh my gosh. That made me laugh. I think I have the same SIL.

Sara~Graphic Pretties said...

LOL Blondie! I hope your SIL does not read this :)
OK I have a SIL kind of like this and a MIL...when the kitchen sink has not been cleaned in a few years it tends to ruin the appetite a little!! They have dishwashers but don't use them???? Stuck on food to the "clean" dishes.... gross me out! They wash the dishes with a musty old wash rag... Easter is at my parents house this year I can relax and eat off of clean plates :)
Easter Blessings!
Sara

Blondie ~ Vintage Primitives said...

I feel so redeemed. Yes, I DO. I am surrounded by legions who are surrounded by legions of SILs MILs, who have the bestest hearts in the world and the nastiest houses. Oh well, I will state for the record that while my house is not made of glass, I shouldn't throw rocks. I used to tell my ex MIL, Mrs. Devil, that when my children grow up they wouldn't remember how clean the house was but how much love they got.
I love my SIL, just not her, ahem, housekeeping skills.

SayraH said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura said...

Very funny Blondie,what a story!!Thank you for your visit to my page glad you enjoyed visit as much as you like and thaks for your well wishes

Sharon Stevens said...

was all that really true or just little white lies? hehe

Amy Wagner said...

I always enjoy reading your stories!!!! You had a great list in your previous post and a great 6word memoir!! I have so much fun visiting you, Blondie.
Amy

KernowWitch said...

You are wicked...hehe...Love it. The moral of this story is 'Men, don't upset the lady in the kitchen'...lol..Hugs Chrissy x